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(By Meg-an!)

Also, Sue? Not raped. NOT EVER RAPED. Not even threatened, because you know what? If I go on the record with my staunchly not-raped agenda, then threatening her is even more boring than the usual narrative garbage. I can break my toys way worse ways than that. :D

At any rate, I was inspired in this by the Big Book O' Ralph, which is charming but also really, really stupid in parts. It's also interesting because despite being newlyweds, Ralph and Sue already seem very old--I'm not sure how old they were supposed to be back then, but they definitely don't act like a pair of young marrieds. So what I'd do is start off where they met, the debutante ball, and after an adventure that includes Ralph in a waiter's outfit and Sue more than proving her mettle under fire, they run off and get hitched. They're young, they've done a kind of stupid thing, but they're pretty happy all the same. And since Sue's loaded, they decide to blow her Daddy's money by traveling all over the world to see what they can see. Instead of jetsetting and coincidentally stumbling over a mystery in every location ever, which got pretty ridiculous after 2 or 3 issues in the old series, they'd actively seek out these mysteries--I imagine Ralph trying to convince Sue that they should summer in the Pine Barrens to seek out the Jersey Devil, while Sue overrides him and they end up in Monaco trying to find the Irish Crown Jewels. (Every now and again, of course, Ralph succeeds, and they end up staying in the US. He's a homebody.)

All the while, they have the usual issues that two people who might love each other have, but that's confounded both by the historical setting (the early to mid-60s, so the Camelot years) and by their actions--neither Sue's parents nor the various criminal gangs can be too pleased by their behavior, which leads to all sort of interesting and thrilling complications and car chases. I guess the major change is in making Sue just as curious and intelligent as Ralph; even when they got older, Sue was always kind of a wet blanket, and I think it'd be a lot more fun for her to be Ralph's partner, not just his long-suffering wife. She had to leave her life behind for something, right? I doubt she would've unless she had the same drive for adventure, just squished into that impractical evening gown. (And of course, Sue would do much more than just buy hats and take Ralph's regular outfits back to their hotel room.)

It'd kind of be like Sandman Mystery Theater, though probably more character-driven, and they wouldn't end every day by proving that people of their era enjoyed sexual intercourse. Occasionally they would cook or read magazines. This is my Customer Care Promise Pledge to you!

(Also, the Question would show up on a lot of their American adventures as a sort of rival/nemesis/foil. He plays off of Ralph a lot better than 60s-era Batman would--Everybody's Favorite Detective vs. The Guy Who Had His Face Sanded Off--and he fits better in the 60s than anywhere else [except, of course, the JLU]. Would there be a Ralph/Sue/Q wuv triangle? MAYBE! Certainly a jealousy triangle, if nothing else.)

I guess you could also update it to the present-day, though the character themes would be pretty similar. The problem with that is that a high-society Sue of today is going to be more difficult to handle (due to the likelihood that she'd be modeled on one of today's useless society bints, a la one of those brats on My Super Sweet Sixteen or worse), and she would start out as a less admirable or likable character than Vintage Sue. It would take more time to "fix" her, especially relative to Ralph, who stays pretty much the same in both versions. I wouldn't want to start out with a relatively nice Ralph and an irritating Sue, so it'd be harder. Still, it's inviting. :D

Think Castle of Cagliostro.


( 58 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 27th, 2007 01:42 am (UTC)
Yesssssss. ;_;
Jan. 27th, 2007 01:51 am (UTC)
I fuckin' approve of this message.

Not just approve. Fuckin' approve.
Jan. 27th, 2007 10:06 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

It'd be neat if DC put out a line of all those revamps that female-type people've done recently for fun, like the manga-style Wonder Woman or the Batgirl one. Mine is different because it doesn't appeal primarily to teenaged girls, but ideally to grown (if still young) women. At least, I think it does.
Jan. 27th, 2007 02:02 am (UTC)
I adore every inch of this.

Y'know, I'd honestly love to see this happen. I know it'd take work and earn no profit, but if Goodbye Chains continues gaining interest at the rate it's going, I'd reckon if you did this Ralph and Sue story and post it online, there'd be an audience.

That's what I'd hope, anyway. I'd certainly read it and pimp it to all I know.
Jan. 27th, 2007 05:56 am (UTC)
I'm sure it would get some kind of an audience, but honestly, why should I take better care of their characters than DC does? I'd rather work on something of my own instead.
(no subject) - thehefner - Jan. 27th, 2007 06:11 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - heykidzcomix - Jan. 27th, 2007 06:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - thehefner - Jan. 27th, 2007 08:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - heykidzcomix - Jan. 27th, 2007 09:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - thehefner - Jan. 27th, 2007 10:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 27th, 2007 02:14 am (UTC)
I fell in love with that costume reading The Flash vol.1. ::loves::
Jan. 27th, 2007 09:56 pm (UTC)
That reminds me, Barry Allen would have to be in there somewhere too. Which would be difficult, since I know nothing about him other than that he has a funny-shaped head.
(no subject) - victoria_wayne - Jan. 27th, 2007 10:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - heykidzcomix - Jan. 27th, 2007 10:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - victoria_wayne - Jan. 27th, 2007 10:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - heykidzcomix - Jan. 27th, 2007 10:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_mightygo - Jan. 30th, 2007 12:09 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - heykidzcomix - Jan. 30th, 2007 12:18 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_mightygo - Feb. 8th, 2007 09:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 27th, 2007 02:41 am (UTC)
I'd buy that in a second! It's how I've always imagined the perfect Ralph and Sue in my mind. Kind of like Nick and Nora Charles, minus the alcohol.
Jan. 27th, 2007 10:00 pm (UTC)
Well, maybe minus the alcoholism :D. It'd be funny if alcohol messed with the extract Ralph had to take to stay limber. Sue would have to drink enough martinis for the both of them!
Jan. 27th, 2007 04:01 am (UTC)
I think you win the internet more times than is possible to count.
Jan. 27th, 2007 10:02 pm (UTC)
I didn't even mention the rivalry with Plastic Man! That all hinges on people being generally unaware that Plas used to be Eel O'Brian, though.
Jan. 27th, 2007 04:40 am (UTC)
:< I want this to be real.
Jan. 27th, 2007 10:03 pm (UTC)
I kind of do too. :D
(no subject) - lakidaa - Jan. 27th, 2007 10:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - heykidzcomix - Jan. 27th, 2007 10:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - lakidaa - Jan. 27th, 2007 10:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - heykidzcomix - Jan. 27th, 2007 10:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - lakidaa - Jan. 27th, 2007 11:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - heykidzcomix - Jan. 27th, 2007 11:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 27th, 2007 06:07 pm (UTC)
I love this!! When this mini comes out in three years to tremendous critical acclaim, I'll say that I knew you back when. :)
Jan. 27th, 2007 06:17 pm (UTC)
Mini? Pshaw! It would be an ongoing :D. A big 'un. Huuuuuuuge!
(no subject) - becs1024 - Jan. 27th, 2007 06:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 27th, 2007 09:26 pm (UTC)
Booster and Beetle approve of this plan wholeheartedly, and will provide as many stolen-from-J'onn Oreos as necessary to see it come to fruition.
Jan. 27th, 2007 09:58 pm (UTC)
Dip those Oreos in napalm and chuck 'em through the windows of the Time Warner Building! Someone will get the message. Even if DC's not headquartered there, a message will be delivered and received!
Jan. 28th, 2007 10:29 pm (UTC)
I think it's official: you have to write a pitch for this.
Jan. 29th, 2007 08:49 pm (UTC)
Yeah, but where does it go? Besides the trash, I mean?
Jan. 29th, 2007 10:40 am (UTC)
I would read it - but still, having them stumble across mysteries everywhere, is it any dumber than Murder, She Wrote? Dumber like a fox!
Jan. 29th, 2007 04:33 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm not saying they can NEVER stumble upon a mystery--just that to do it everywhere they go (from the remotest ski lodge to the nudest Riviera beach) is a little silly. It'd be neat to have them, say, stop for gas down South and end up with some sort of bizarre magnolia'd murder mystery.
Jan. 29th, 2007 03:41 pm (UTC)
Excellent idea and concept approach. I would love to see books like this from DC.
Jan. 29th, 2007 05:19 pm (UTC)
"It'd kind of be like Sandman Mystery Theater, though probably more character-driven, and they wouldn't end every day by proving that people of their era enjoyed sexual intercourse."

That is a killer line.

Tom Spurgeon
Jan. 29th, 2007 08:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Jan. 29th, 2007 06:46 pm (UTC)
Jan. 29th, 2007 08:58 pm (UTC)
And I would totally write it! Except, you know, nobody gets raped or decapitated, so why bother?
Jan. 29th, 2007 09:17 pm (UTC)
Jan. 29th, 2007 09:29 pm (UTC)
No way! I know where you've been.
Jan. 30th, 2007 01:17 am (UTC)
I love you.
Jan. 30th, 2007 03:24 am (UTC)
If I ever get together the mojo to reshape reality to my own whims, you're totally getting to do this book.

Hell, you know what? Change the names and re-work the characters oh-so-slightly and take it to another company. It worked for Jack Staff.
Jan. 31st, 2007 01:07 am (UTC)
congrats on the blog@newsarama link! :)
Jan. 31st, 2007 04:16 am (UTC)
Thank you, Dean :D
Feb. 1st, 2007 03:54 am (UTC)
You also got a mention on this week's 52 Pickup.

It seems the people are crying out for a return to the good old days of stretchy detectives and the women they love.

Feb. 1st, 2007 05:45 am (UTC)
The people have spoken! And what they desire is ME.

Soon I will melt the face of the Statue of Liberty into my own fearsome visage, and then where will you all be? Better be worshipping at the foot of that statue, or else.
Feb. 1st, 2007 04:15 pm (UTC)
That art reminds me of Marc Chagall's "Birthday." http://www.udel.edu/eli/essays_chagall.html

I'd buy your take on Elongated Man and Sue Dibney.

This post brought anonymously by a guy named Joel Bryan who blogs elsewhere.
Mar. 7th, 2007 03:07 am (UTC)
EM Models
The models for Ralph and Sue---right down to Sue being the one with money--are obviously Nick and Nora Charles. You're right, you probably can't do a version of that relationship that begins in the '90s or '00s...because the flibbertigibbet rich girl today is Paris Hilton, not Carole Lombard in My Man Godfrey.

Mar. 7th, 2007 03:32 am (UTC)
Re: EM Models
I think you could, but she'd start out a much less relatable and pleasant character, and she'd have to grow up a lot more to make her fun to read about. Ralph stays more or less the same, though he might be more irritating than the older version because of a broader array of irritating opportunities for him (the kind of guy who goes on Superhero Idol, say).

Lousy society!
May. 24th, 2007 12:55 am (UTC)
It seems it is that site
It seems it is that site.

http://tramadol.pozitor5.info/tramadol-online--.html tramadol online
Aug. 13th, 2007 06:01 am (UTC)
Your drawing of Sue seems somehow really right to me. This is noteworthy because it's such a loose drawing, & Ralph is messed up in that pic.
( 58 comments — Leave a comment )

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