(By Meg-an!)



Also, Sue? Not raped. NOT EVER RAPED. Not even threatened, because you know what? If I go on the record with my staunchly not-raped agenda, then threatening her is even more boring than the usual narrative garbage. I can break my toys way worse ways than that. :D

At any rate, I was inspired in this by the Big Book O' Ralph, which is charming but also really, really stupid in parts. It's also interesting because despite being newlyweds, Ralph and Sue already seem very old--I'm not sure how old they were supposed to be back then, but they definitely don't act like a pair of young marrieds. So what I'd do is start off where they met, the debutante ball, and after an adventure that includes Ralph in a waiter's outfit and Sue more than proving her mettle under fire, they run off and get hitched. They're young, they've done a kind of stupid thing, but they're pretty happy all the same. And since Sue's loaded, they decide to blow her Daddy's money by traveling all over the world to see what they can see. Instead of jetsetting and coincidentally stumbling over a mystery in every location ever, which got pretty ridiculous after 2 or 3 issues in the old series, they'd actively seek out these mysteries--I imagine Ralph trying to convince Sue that they should summer in the Pine Barrens to seek out the Jersey Devil, while Sue overrides him and they end up in Monaco trying to find the Irish Crown Jewels. (Every now and again, of course, Ralph succeeds, and they end up staying in the US. He's a homebody.)

All the while, they have the usual issues that two people who might love each other have, but that's confounded both by the historical setting (the early to mid-60s, so the Camelot years) and by their actions--neither Sue's parents nor the various criminal gangs can be too pleased by their behavior, which leads to all sort of interesting and thrilling complications and car chases. I guess the major change is in making Sue just as curious and intelligent as Ralph; even when they got older, Sue was always kind of a wet blanket, and I think it'd be a lot more fun for her to be Ralph's partner, not just his long-suffering wife. She had to leave her life behind for something, right? I doubt she would've unless she had the same drive for adventure, just squished into that impractical evening gown. (And of course, Sue would do much more than just buy hats and take Ralph's regular outfits back to their hotel room.)

It'd kind of be like Sandman Mystery Theater, though probably more character-driven, and they wouldn't end every day by proving that people of their era enjoyed sexual intercourse. Occasionally they would cook or read magazines. This is my Customer Care Promise Pledge to you!

(Also, the Question would show up on a lot of their American adventures as a sort of rival/nemesis/foil. He plays off of Ralph a lot better than 60s-era Batman would--Everybody's Favorite Detective vs. The Guy Who Had His Face Sanded Off--and he fits better in the 60s than anywhere else [except, of course, the JLU]. Would there be a Ralph/Sue/Q wuv triangle? MAYBE! Certainly a jealousy triangle, if nothing else.)

I guess you could also update it to the present-day, though the character themes would be pretty similar. The problem with that is that a high-society Sue of today is going to be more difficult to handle (due to the likelihood that she'd be modeled on one of today's useless society bints, a la one of those brats on My Super Sweet Sixteen or worse), and she would start out as a less admirable or likable character than Vintage Sue. It would take more time to "fix" her, especially relative to Ralph, who stays pretty much the same in both versions. I wouldn't want to start out with a relatively nice Ralph and an irritating Sue, so it'd be harder. Still, it's inviting. :D

Think Castle of Cagliostro.